I was at lunch one day with a girlfriend at a restaurant and overheard some ladies at an adjoining table.  What I heard was astonishing!  Giggling and laughing, one said basically “the kids always come first." And then laugh about where their spouses fall on the list. "If you asked me what the breakdown was, I would say my children, then my girlfriends, and finally my husband. But…don’t tell him that because he doesn’t know it.”  And then they laugh hysterically like it’s all a big joke.
I bet her husband‘s breakdown is probably similar, “My children, my girlfriends and then my wife….but don’t tell her because she doesn’t know it because she’s too busy focusing on her kids, her friends and herself”.
Marriage isn’t a joke. If you put your spouse last; it’s a tragic and sad affair.
My husband Jim and I have been married for over 16 years. Like you, our lives are impossibly busy. Like you, we love our kids (our four dogs). Our marriage provides the foundation for everything that we’ve built together. It isn’t a joke. It’s something we work hard at and are tremendously proud of achieving.  I want it to last a lifetime, which is why I treat it accordingly. If you stop and think about it, it’s the way it should be.
You should put your marriage first and here is why:

• A strong marriage is the healthiest thing you can give your kids. Your kids feel safe and loved when they see two parents who work as a team, take interest in each other, make an effort, display both respect and affection and act like one anothers favorite, even after all these years.  Surprisingly interesting, is that dogs, cats and other animals in the household can feel any negative energy and feel uncomfortable and uneasy just like your children can feel these emotions.
• If you want your marriage to last your lifetime, give it the attention and effort it deserves. Your kids will live with you for just two short decades. Putting your marriage on cruise control for 20 years, while you focus on your kids is like falling asleep at the wheel and that’s deadly. When your kids leave, your spouse is the one who’s left. If you’ve made them your last priority (and think it’s funny) they’d be dumb to stay with you. Give your spouse the same attention that you gave them when you were courting them. Bring them flowers. Invite them on dates. Do the things that say, "You are special to me and no one else comes before you!"
• Spouses aren’t roommates, they’re partners and lovers. When your kids become the center of your universe…your role as wife gets shelved. Slowly you start to feel like a taxi driver, lunch packer and homework checker. You and your spouse become so busy focusing on everything but each other that you drift apart.
• You don’t want to raise obnoxious kids: When you make kids the center of your universe, they turn into adults who think they are the center of the universe and we don't need one more self absorbed, entitled person to endure!
  

Don’t you want your kids to grow up and marry someone who puts them first? Of course you do! And, it’s your job to teach them what it looks like. Show them with your marriage first and enjoy the fruit of your efforts!

What is the Perfect Dating Website?

When I’m interviewing a prospective client who is finally ready to get back into the dating game after suffering through one failed relationship after another, what do they ask me?
“What is the perfect dating website for me?”
Now I’m not against finding your Mr. Right (or Mrs. Right) through an on-line dating site, I actually found my honey through Match.com. But what gets my blood to boil is that my potential client is repeating the same behavior that she’s repeated over and over these last three relationships that have all ended in dismal failure. Didn’t you get that memo, “you keep doing what you do, you’ll continue to get what you got!”. You need to change you’re approach before you step into another pile of bad relationship do-do!
I’ve found that most people will spend much more time planing a vacation then plan on choosing the right person that they’ll spend their life with! Think about that statement. That’s very sobering that we put more emphasis on planning one or two weeks away from home then planning on who will be our bed partner, life partner, possible co-parent and soulmate for your whole lifetime!
Here are the simple steps to prepare you for your next and hopefully last love at last:

1. Be sure you love and know yourself first. Yes you’re looking for love from a future partner but shouldn’t they be connected to someone who comes into this relationship emotionally whole?
   
2. Be clear what you wish for yourself. Sometimes we get so focused on the outer attributes then in the inner make up. Don’t miss all the important categories of life that complete your love design.
   
3. Don’t rush to the alter. Yes if you invest into hiring a love relationship coach, time and effort into outlining who you want, don’t ruin it by putting on your blinders and going full speed ahead to tie the knot. Give yourself the gift of time and observation. You’re not going to fix him or her to fit your ideal. Determine what is acceptable in that person and what is determined a “deal breaker!”
   

If you do your homework right, you’ll not only find your soulmate, but you’ll be sharing your next well researched vacation with your right Mr. Right!